


Why Don't We Go There

by treaddelicately



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Minor Robb Stark/Margaery Tyrell, POV Sansa Stark, basically Theon and Sansa snark at each other a lot and then make out, i make no apologies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:35:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23694763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/treaddelicately/pseuds/treaddelicately
Summary: Sansa's been tasked to plan Robb's birthday party, and Theon wants to help. It goes about as well as you'd expect.
Relationships: Theon Greyjoy/Sansa Stark
Comments: 21
Kudos: 132





	Why Don't We Go There

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Dresupi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dresupi/gifts).



> For the lovely, wonderful, fantastic, amazing, incredible Dresupi. It's her BIRTHDAY, y'all! Dres, I love you so much. I hope you have the best of birthdays, because you deserve it.
> 
> As always, thank you to my beta, BoudicaMuse, who helped conceptualize this entire thing and brought forth the first texting bit. She's my hero, you guys.

Sansa was blaming Margaery for the whole thing. _She_ was supposed to be planning Robb’s birthday party. She was his girlfriend, after all, and the best party planner of all of them. Just because it was edging closer and closer to Fashion Week in Highgarden and she was the youngest designer to ever be featured didn’t mean she could skip out on Robb’s birthday. Honestly. 

“I’m not skipping,” Margaery said around a mouthful of pins. “I’ll be there for the party. But I simply can’t plan it this year, Sansa. I’m going to need your help.”

Sansa watched with awe as she pinned a hem into an evening gown at lightning speed. 

“Marg, you realize I’ve got finals. I don’t have time to do this, either.” She cocked her head. “Can’t we split it down the middle, do it together?”

“I’m sorry, I really just don’t have the time.” Margaery’s tone was apologetic but her eyes were narrowed at a seam in her dress, her mind clearly elsewhere. “Maybe Arya can help you out?”

Fat fucking chance of that. 

It wasn’t for lack of trying. Sansa spent two days cajoling, pleading, begging, and resorting to downright bribery for her sister to help. All to no avail. 

“Yeah, no fucking way.” Arya snorted and flicked her bottle cap at her. Even bringing her to her favorite bar and letting her order her disgusting deep fried mushrooms hadn’t done the trick. 

“Why does Robb even need a birthday party? He’s turning twenty-six. It’s not exactly a milestone.”

Sansa leveled a look at her over the rim of her rum and pineapple juice. “We throw you a party every year.”

“Literally no one asked you to, though.” 

“Fine by me, one less shit storm I have to deal with.” Sansa rolled her eyes. “But Margaery’s really proud of Robb for that promotion he got this year, and I am too. We wanted to do something nice and surprise him.”

Arya made a face, unwilling but likely swayed by the teensy guilt trip. She rummaged in her back pocket, producing a few crumpled bills to throw them on the table. “There’s my contribution. Get some good booze, not the cheap shit.”

Sansa grumbled but tucked it in her wallet anyway. If she was going to be handling this party by herself, she might as well take donations.

* * *

After pulling an all-nighter to study and an obscenely difficult lab course in the morning, Sansa’s head was pounding. She rubbed two fingers between her eyes and fumbled with her keys in her other hand until the door to her apartment swung open and the blessedly cool air conditioning hit her in the face.

Sandwich, cool shower, then bed. Preferably in that order.

Her phone rang just as she crammed the last of her turkey sandwich in her mouth. Sansa almost didn’t answer, what with the raging headache and all, but it was Theon and he never really called. Curiosity got the better of her and she poked the button to turn it on speaker.

“Hello?”

“Sans!” Gods, why was he _shouting_? “I’m angry with you!”

There was a reason they said curiosity killed the damn cat. “Why are you angry with me, Theon?”

“A little birdie told me that you are planning Robb’s birthday party,” Theon said. “ _And_ that you were asking for help. I’m offended that you haven’t asked me.”

Sansa rested her elbows on her kitchen counter and put her face in her hands. “I didn’t realize you had hidden talents as a party planner.”

“What are you talking about? I’m an excellent party planner!”

“Throwing a rager at Podrick Payne’s uncle’s rental house hardly counts. Four people were arrested and Pod had to pay three hundred dollars in damages to the house.”

“And it was fan-fucking-tastic.”

Rubbing her head wasn’t working anymore. Sansa needed a shower and she needed to go to bed. “It’s a surprise party. Are you going to be able to hide it from Robb?”

There was a pause where she could just imagine Theon miming zipping his lips shut like the eight year old he really was at heart. Then he said, “Secret’s safe with me. I’ll text you tomorrow with some ideas. Oh, and a keg quote!”

“Theon, we’re not getting a—”

“Bye, Sans!” Her phone beeped once to indicate that the call had ended.

“Keg,” Sansa groaned out. “We’re not getting a keg.”

Then she folded her arms on the counter and pillowed her forehead on them, willing away the drilling pain behind her eyes. She’d asked for help planning Robb’s party to decrease her stress level and the universe had answered her with Theon Greyjoy.

Somehow, she didn’t think this was her last tension headache for the week.

* * *

“What in the name of the gods is this?” Theon scooped a cellophane package out of the cart with outrage in his voice. “Make Your Own Birthday Banner?”

Sansa snatched it back with a scowl. “It’s silver and it matches the rest of the decorations. It’s the best I can do on short notice.”

It wasn’t nearly as good as Margaery’s neatly arranged spreads, like the one she’d done for Jon and Ygritte’s wedding, but it would have to do. Sansa was fairly certain she could doll it up and it would be fine.

“It’s ridiculous,” Theon declared, tossing it onto the nearest shelf. “We’re not getting it.”

She gaped at him and threw it back in the cart. “Yes, we most certainly are!”

“Says who?” He made to grab it again and Sansa smacked his hand.

“Says me!”

“We’re not wasting perfectly good booze money on this dumb… banner.. thingie.” Theon nicked the package from the cart but trailed off, distracted when his phone vibrated loudly and annoyingly in his pocket. “‘Lo, Robb.”

Sansa nearly swore out loud and caught herself. If they were going to keep Robb’s party a secret, they couldn’t really let him know that they were together. Together as in, shopping for party supplies together. Not… together, together.

Because it was Theon. It didn’t matter that he was mind-bogglingly attractive. The kind where Sansa had always thought he was sort of strange looking while she was growing up until she’d hit about seventeen and realized _oh_ , his eyes were pretty, and his smirk made her gut twist up, and he had the nicest set of arms she’d seen outside of Gendry’s workshop.

None of that mattered, because he was Theon, and he was an _arsehole_. She didn’t want to be together, together with him. Not in the slightest.

“Yeah, I’m just out for a bit, I’ll be ‘round for drinks later,” he was saying to Robb. 

Sansa took his distraction as an opportunity to snatch the package from his hand and hold it out mockingly. Theon narrowed his eyes at her and she smiled, wide and saccharine, flipping him off with her free hand while she dropped the banner back into the cart.

“Give me an hour or so,” he said into the phone. “Just gotta shake this annoying bird first.”

The noise he made when she beaned him in the head with a package of confetti-filled balloons was worth nearly outing the whole thing to Robb, honestly.

* * *

_Theon: strippers secured_

_Sansa: !!!!!!_

_Sansa: we are NOT hiring strippers_

_Theon: robb would love strippers. his birthday. dont be selfish_

_Sansa: you do realize my parents will be attending this party_

_Theon: …… ok. so one stripper?_

* * *

The sight of Theon with his hands clasped together on his knees in front of her should have made Sansa giddy. Any other day. Right now, she was just annoyed.

“I said no,” she repeated. “We are not having the party here. The last thing I need is my apartment trashed because none of you heathens know how to clean up after yourselves.”

“Pleeeease, Sans,” Theon begged, his eyes widening. “I’m on my last leg with the landlord as it is, one more noise complaint and I’m out.”

Sansa perked an eyebrow. “Do I want to know what kind of noise complaints you’re getting?”

His eyes were innocent but his lips curved into a familiar smirk, sending her stomach into knots. “No, probably not.”

The tangled knot of her stomach lit up with jealousy, white hot and surprising. Sansa pursed her lips together and crossed her arms to ignore it.

“You couldn’t find anywhere else?”

“Not anywhere you’d find suitable, princess.” And oh, didn’t that just throw gasoline on top of everything.

“Fine,” she ground out. “But if one single thing in my apartment gets broken, I’m coming after you, Greyjoy.”

He scrambled to his feet and cupped her head, pulling her in to smack his lips dramatically against her cheek. 

“Nothing’s going to happen to your stuff. You have my word, Squid Scout’s honor.”

Sansa laughed. “There’s no such thing as a Squid Scout.”

“Yeah, but Cub Scout just sounds dumb. Everyone thinks so.” Theon grinned, ruffling her hair. He dodged her playful swat and headed for the door.

“I’m telling Robb you said that. You know he earned every single badge, he’s a Direwolf and everything,” Sansa told him.

He was halfway out the door already. “Yeah, I know,” he called over his shoulder. “I helped him cheat to get half the badges.”

* * *

_Theon: robb asked about going out for his bday today_

_Theon: i panicked_

_Sansa: WHAT DID U SAY_

_Theon: told him I had plans_

_Sansa: I swear to the Gods_

_Theon: told him I had plans with your dad_

_Sansa: are you fucking kidding me_

_Theon: i panicked!!!!!_

_Sansa: whatever we’ll just stick to the plan_

_Theon: sry_

_Sansa: no you’re not_

_Theon: a little sorry? <3_

_Sansa: i forgive u  
_

* * *

Her crucial mistake was giving Theon the spare key to her apartment to let him in early. She’d mostly decorated and put things away ahead of time, but a shift at the coffee shop meant that Sansa was going to get back to the apartment right before Margaery brought Robb over for the big reveal.

Which, of course, meant that Theon took advantage.

“I told him not to do it,” was Bran’s greeting when Sansa stepped inside and dropped her bag.

Just past the entryway, a large round table sat with a truly insane amount of shot glasses piled on it. A white poster board was propped up behind them, hastily scribbled on in what could only be Theon’s handwriting. _ENTRY FEE: ONE SHOT_. 

Sansa put her hands to her head and made a sound that was half-groan and half-scream. “Greyjoy!”

He popped out from her kitchen with a lopsided grin and an already half-empty glass. “Right on time! Marg just texted, says they’re less than five minutes out. Your mum and dad, too.”

She still had to get changed and find candles for the cake. She had to stuff Robb’s present into a bag and artfully arrange tissue paper. She did not have time for Theon’s shenanigans or his gap-toothed grin or the way his biceps bulged in his black t-shirt. 

“Get rid of it,” she hissed, and darted to her room to change.

* * *

Theon did not get rid of the shot table. In fact, it was a hit with every other person except for her mother, who turned her nose up dramatically at the sight, and her father, who shrugged and downed a shot of cinnamon whiskey like a champ. 

Robb was Not Surprised about the surprise party.

“I knew Marg wasn’t planning anything, she’s been so busy,” he said. “But Theon was arguing with someone on the phone about it all the time. He’s not very subtle, that one.”

Theon raised his glass in cheers, an unashamed grin on his face, and Sansa glared daggers at him.

“Aw, stop it.” Robb wrapped his arm around her shoulders and squeezed her tight. “It’s great, Sansa. Really. Best Not-A-Surprise party ever.”

She could agree with that with some distance. All of Robb’s college friends showed up, Margaery’s brothers, even Theon’s sister. The music was a little loud but Sansa’s cake had turned out perfectly and no one had broken any of her knick knacks or knocked over her plants, so she was going to count it as a win. Robb was happy, and that was the most important part.

Still, having that many people crowded in her tiny apartment made her a teensy bit claustrophobic and she had to duck into the bathroom to catch her breath after an hour or so. She left the door cracked to keep an ear out for the chaos, so it wasn’t a huge surprise when someone tried to nudge their way in.

Sansa slid off the counter to catch the door. “Unoccupied, sorry, I was just—” 

“Hiding out?” Theon supplied, eyes dancing playfully. He stepped in the bathroom and nudged the door shut with his foot because his hands were full. Full of shot glasses. “I knew you were avoiding me. You didn’t pay the entrance fee, Sans.”

“It’s my place,” she argued, crossing her arms and trying not to be so blatantly aware that they were alone in her tiny bathroom. “I don’t have to pay any entrance fee.”

“You’re such a buzzkill.” He stepped closer, challenging her. “Can’t you just let go and have a little fun?”

“Sorry, Fireball isn’t really my idea of fun. And neither is hanging out with you in my bathroom.”

Theon laughed, flipping the ignition in her gut again. Fuck, what was _happening_ to her? It was Theon, for the love of the gods. Sure, he smelled great and he’d actually surprisingly pulled it together for Robb’s birthday despite all of his terrible ideas for the party, but still. Bad News Bears. Bad News Squids, whatever.

“You still have to pay the toll, princess.” 

Sansa crossed her arms tighter. “I have to do no such thing. I’m not drinking that.”

“Then you’ll have to pay the entrance fee some other way, then.” He was closer now, the laughter gone from his lips but still clear in his eyes. 

You know what? She could live a little, sure.

“Shut up and come here,” Sansa said, grabbing the front of his shirt to pull him against her. Theon’s eyes widened in surprise and she took the moment to snatch one of the shots from him. She knocked it back, blinking back tears at the burning in her throat, and then kissed him.

The thing was, Theon was cocky about his prowess with women all the time. Sansa had kind of brushed it off and laughed it away her entire teenage life, half out of jealousy. The other half had been from experience with self-confident boys who talked a big game but mostly just used too much tongue and pawed at her ass.

But uh, he was a _fantastic_ kisser.

Once the initial shock wore off, he sprung into action and dropped the other shot glass into the sink behind Sansa. His hand cupped around her cheek and his fingers curled at her hairline, his lips slanting over hers slow and steady. At her hip, his index finger twisted in the belt loop of her jeans like an anchor, tugging like a gentle reminder of something wonderful.

Sansa gave as good as she got, or at least she hoped it was that good, because she couldn’t get enough. Theon tasted like Fireball and a cheap cigarette and it should have been absolutely filthy, but she wanted to sit on the counter and let him lick around her mouth forever.

One of her hands slipped under his shirt and her nails dragged through the patch of hair above his jeans, eliciting a strained noise from his throat that Sansa absolutely needed to hear again. She didn’t get the chance, though, because someone picked that exact moment to open the fucking bathroom door.

“Oh!” Robb’s voice echoed off the bathroom walls. “Seven hells, Theon.”

They broke apart and Sansa flushed, pulling her hand out of Theon’s shirt to wiggle her fingers at her brother in greeting.

“Wait, Sansa?” He sputtered a few times, unable to get words out. The moment dragged on and Sansa worried he was going to be pissed, but Theon of course couldn’t let a silence linger too long.

“Surprise?” 

Robb stared at him, the corner of his jaw twitching, before he finally heaved a giant sigh. “Happy birthday to me, I suppose. I’ll… leave you to it.”

“Good on ya, mate,” Theon said, turning back to cup his hands around Sansa’s face. “You mind shutting the door?”

Another sigh sounded just as Sansa burst into giggles, but the door closed to muffle Robb’s curses on the other side, and Theon kissed her until all of her laughter died away. 

Intentional or not, at least they’d managed one surprise for Robb’s birthday. Best to leave it to Margaery for next year, though.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> I'd rec something of Dresupi's here, but let's be honest, y'all already know and love her. She's a prolific badass and I am so lucky to call her my friend. Go show her fics some love. <3


End file.
